Goodbye DD…..

23 May

DD has left our marriage. That statement fills me with both sadness and relief. I’m sad because after all, it was me who introduced dd into my marriage and me who wanted to really make it work and me who kept pushing for it. But, it was also me who knew in my heart that since starting dd, my husband and I seemed to have more petty arguments and it was me who seemed always frustrated. I love that my husband was willing to go outside his comfort zone and try something that in a way went against everything he believed. I love that he continued to try even though he knew weeks ago that this wasn’t for us. Shockingly enough, it was also me who put an end to it. It seemed that the last few times my husband would do a maintenance, I would get very angry and finally two nights ago it happened again, but this time I said that’s it, I’m done, I am withdrawing consent, I do not want this anymore. I wan’t angry at my husband, I was angry at myself. I was angry that I couldn’t be the submissive wife I wanted to be and I was angry that I kept forcing this on us when I knew we were both unhappy with it. That night my husband and I had a long talk, a very honest and real talk. We both agreed that this lifestyle just wasn’t right for us. It may be perfect and right for other couples but for us, it just wasn’t and never was who we were. We talked about what was so wrong with us in the first place that we wanted to try this, and what we discovered was that there was nothing wrong with us.  We were happy before dd, we’ve always been happy. We’ve been together for 17 years and have been through so much, good and bad but we always got through it, together. My husband has never seen me as below him and I never saw myself that way. We’ve always been a team, we are more than husband and wife, we are best friends. I’ve said before that I was never a submissive person, I’ve never had authority in my life. I’ve always said what I felt and did what I felt was right. I don’t need my husband or anyone else for that matter to leave me a chore list, or tell me how to act or tell me what I can or cannot buy. I’m an adult. I know what needs to get done in the house, I am afterall a wife and mother. I am not going to let my family live in filth or go without eating, and I don’t need the threat of a punishment to do what I know I have to do. I don’t need to be told to respect my husband, I love him and therefore I will always respect him.

I’m not knocking DD, if it works for you, then God bless! It just doesn’t work for us. I believe it takes a very strong woman to be 100% submissive to her husband. It is not easy by any means to submit to anyone especially if you feel they are wrong and you are right. It takes an enormous amount of strength to submit to a punishment when you know that you are an adult, if you wanted to do what it is you did, you should be able to. I’ve read before that some wives get punished if they get to emotional or get anxiety. I could never wrap my head around that! If I get emotional then I get emotional and the one person in the world I should be comfortable with to let my guard down with is my husband! Why would I suppress my feelings or emotions around my husband? And I shouldn’t have to! The more we talked the more we both felt that for us, dd was just not what we wanted. I didn’t want to feel like a child, to feel that if I make a mistake that I would get punished. My husband didn’t want to punish me, for trivial things or anything. Some wives say that their husbands punish them BECAUSE they love them, because they care enough to hold them accountable, because they care enough to want to protect them, even from themselves. Well, my husband loves me more then he loves himself and my husband wants the best for me and my husband does protect me, even from myself. The difference is my husband doesn’t need the help of a paddle or a belt to do all that.

I mentioned the group on Facebook called “life with DD” in my last entry and I told my fellow group members about our decision to stop practicing dd. Not surprising, everyone in the group was and is completely supportive of our choice. Which is one of the reasons I have decided to remain in the group. I love that regardless of the type of marriage I have, these people offer nothing but love and support. The other reason I have chosen to remain in the group is because as stated by another wife, I can still offer support and advice having been where they are.

Will dd be forever gone from my marriage? Only time will tell, but for now it is gone. I am content with our decision because whether or not we practice in no way determines how much my husband and I love, respect and honor the other. The love that has always been there will always be there, we’ve just decided to remove something that seemed to only complicate things.

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